I have not read a lot about cancer, and I do not know at this point if I have cancer. This will be the first article about my journey into the unknown. I am not sure when the journey began, and I do not know how it will end. So let us start with a few details of my life that are known.
I was married 41 years ago, and I am very much in love with my bride. We have two grown children, both boys. We have two grandchildren, both boys. My life is all about my family. My existence is about taking care of the ones I love. I do not know if it is right or wrong, but that is who I am. I am not afraid of death as I know God. I know my life does not end when my body dies. I can not explain it, but I have peace. I do not think my work is finished. I want to be there for my family. I do not know if my desire for a longer life is a part of the master plan. I just need to do my part and accept the results.
The current chapter started about six months ago. I went to the doctor with a complaint of pain beneath my right rib cage. The doctor and I discussed my gastroesophageal reflux disease. He decided to do an endoscopy. The results turned out great, but I was put on medication for GERD. The doctor was confident the pain would be relieved. He did not think a colonoscopy was indicated since I had one four years earlier. At the time, no abnormalities were discovered.
Allergies were bad this year. Since I could not get relief from over the counter, I went to walk-in clinic last week. The doctor was not too concerned about the allergies. He was more concerned about the hemoglobin levels. I remembered hearing the same thing six months ago when I went to give blood at the Red Cross. I do not remember if I told the doctor about the Red Cross incident. The doctor at walk-in clinic was concerned since anemia was not a normal thing for males. It was a sign the body could not keep up with hemoglobin production. It might be a result of internal bleeding, and I was to return the next day to see my family physician. A CT-scan was ordered the next day at regular clinic hours.
The day arrived. The test was completed, and it was not a stressful event. I was told I would be notified by my family physician in three to five days in regard to the results. I drove home. My cell phone rang while driving. I could not answer, but listened to the voice mail at the next opportune moment. It was the doctor. He wanted to talk to me about the CT-scan completed less than an hour ago. There were some things that needed to be addressed immediately. I tried to return the call, but could not wait for the busy office. They had placed the call on hold for what seemed like several minutes. I hung up, the phone rang and it was the doctor. He told me a mass had been seen in the x-ray, and he had set up an appointment for the next day with a surgeon. I was to make certain the surgeon had the x-rays.
It is the morning of the appointment as I write and the journey continues. Thoughts of concern for my wife dominate my thinking. Finances are always a concern. Now they are so much more important. Will she be okay if the everything turns South? Tears come to her for no outwardly apparent reason. I must not let my emotions rule as I think about all the good years, all the hard times and my endless love. I will pray.
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© September 21 2010, Michael D. Miller, U.S.A
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